I love reading books. But I don’t think they’ll ever satisfy me. I get so enveloped and can’t wait to finish it. But when I get to the end, I always can’t help but feel the slightest tinge of disappointment. Not necessarily because the ending was disappointing, but the fact that it ended. I will never feel satisfied. Regardless of how great an ending of a book is. Once it ends, the magic is gone. And you’re left with nothing but an emptiness that was once filled with the stories that have now ceased.
I have a tendency to worry about time. Now more than ever lately. I have lived for 2 decades, 1/5 of a century. Even only as a person who hasn’t even hit the legal drinking age, I feel like the time allotted in life is so minuscule. There never seems to be enough time to do things you need to do or want to do. The concept of time is so limiting and at this age, where everything seems to matter and every second counts, it feels like someone hit the fast forward button and everything is speeding up except me.
But as these worries filled my head, my dad was there to provide the simplest and yet most profound thing I’ve heard in a while.
You know, I used to worry about death a lot. The idea of no longer having life scared me and it used to make me really depressed. But then I figured, we all die. It is inevitable, so why worry about it. Instead of worrying about death, enjoy yourself so that when that time comes, you won’t have to worry about no longer having life, because you will have already lived it to the way that made you happy. The same thing with time. Time passes, that’s inevitable. So what’s the sense in worrying about how much time you have? Every minute you spend on thinking about it is a minute you could have used for something else. So stop thinking about it, and just enjoy it. So when you can look back at the time you’ve had, you’ll know it didn’t go to waste.
Then he proceeded to scold me about how I am too deep and shouldn’t be concerning myself with these things (lol). But point being, it really is as simple as that. It’s true, you’re only given so much time. But instead of counting the time you have left, you should be using it in every which way you choose to see fit. If I looked at everything the way I looked at time, life would just be a ticking time bomb that I would be waiting for to explode. Would you rather stare at a bomb until it exploded, or do everything you could possibly do before it exploded? I would choose the latter.
There is no better expression that could describe this conversation other than, “live in the moment.” Don’t be concerned with what happened in the past. Don’t beat yourself to try and control your future. Just focus on the moment, on what’s right in front of you. Take life as it comes. Because if you pay too much attention to the past, your life will be nothing more than a past of things you regret. If you pay too much attention to the future, it’ll never come because the present will constantly be slipping away. You’ll be so focused on looking forward that you won’t see what’s happening right now. You know what they say, the future is now.
So all of this makes me think back to all the time I’ve wasted. And there are things that I obviously wish I could have done to be somewhat more productive. But at the same time, everything that happened, good and bad, led me to this exact place in my life; to all the people in my life; to all the accomplishments I have had and to all the accomplishments I will make; to the most productive point in every aspect of my life to date. So was that time really wasted?
I don’t think so. And I don’t intend on wasting whatever time I have left.